A Little Bit of Everything

The title of this blog entry is also the title of a song by Dawes.  It caught my attention the first time I heard it because the middle verse talks about a man standing in a buffet line trying to make up for everything missing in his life through the food he orders:

"I want a little bit of everything,
The biscuits and the beans,
Whatever helps me to forget about
The things that brought me to my knees,
So pile on those mashed potatoes,
And an extra chicken wing,
I'm having a little bit of everything."

Man, can I relate to that (except for the extra chicken wing.. I have always found them gross.)  Food is such a complicated thing.  Fred and I were talking about food addiction, nutrition, health, emotional eating -- all of it -- when we were on the 30 mile ride in Grand Junction.  It was an intense conversation, and an awkward one for me.  I mean, as proud as I am of the work I have done with my body and spirit, the question that still hangs in the air like LA smog is, how could I let myself get to 350 pounds to begin with? How could I have done that to my own body?  My own emotions?  And let's face it:  I still have a ways to go and still struggle daily with food issues (or demons, as I sometimes think of them.)

Not an easy conversation to have with anyone who has always been fit and has never had a weight or eating problem.  How to explain to an always slim, always active 70-year-old the craziness of trying to eat your way un-unhappy, unbored, unlonely, unstressed, un-everything, when the eating itself is causing you to be unhealthy, unhappy, inactive, lonely and stressed? 

Really, it's no different than trying to self-medicate with cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol, heroine, etc.  Well, actually, there is one huge difference.  One can resolve to never again touch any of the items in the above list, but one cannot decide never to eat again.  A food addiction cannot be avoided... it must be managed, and I think that may make it harder to overcome than the others.

So, I guess I am managing it better now than I was three, five, ten years ago.  But I would sure like to get to a place where it's not an everyday struggle... I would sure like to take the time and energy I expend thinking about, worrying about, micromanaging food and put it to more important, productive, creative things in my life.  I have to believe I will get there one day.