I Don't Give A Rat's @$$

In truth, I care very much...about just about everything in my life, and probably yours.  But that little expression is one of my guilty pleasures.

Secretly, I love it. I'm not sure why, since it is pretty far outside of the way I talk.  But every single time someone prefaces a statement with that little gem, I feel an uncontrollable giggle start in my diaphragm, up up up until it escapes out my lips, thereby kind of ruining the moment, whatever it is.

I mean, what does that mean anyway?  Who came up with that expression?  Maybe it's funny simply in its randomness.  Why does it have to be a RAT?

I especially love it when my sister Rebecca says it, because she adds in these little descriptive snacks, like, "I don't give a TINY rat's ass..." And when we are on the phone, even in the midst of whatever she's complaining about, I can literally HEAR the corners of her mouth turning upward as she says the words, which shows they amuse her as much as they amuse me.

It's kind of dangerous, though.  A friend of mine in Kemmerer got a little religious/political with it, saying, "I don't give a Mormon rat's ass".  Thanks -- you know who you are. Now we're all going to Hell.

But the thing is, I can't really adopt it because it just doesn't sound natural when I say it, like I'm trying too hard.  Wyoming may have roughened my soft edges a little, but there's a limit to what I can embody without sounding affected.

Maybe if I were to practice....  In my house, in my kitchen, in my office, in my car, well, not at church, but just about everywhere else, so that when I get done with this 323 mile bike ride, I could come home and preface almost every conversation with, "I don't give a rat's ass about  ________________________ (fill in the blank)!!!!! I just finished 323 miles on a bike in 6 days.  That's right.  Not a TINY rat's ass.

Do you think I'm overestimating the satisfaction I'll get from it?  You do?  Yeah?  Well, I don't give a .... nope, still not there for me.

In truth, the ONLY thing coming out of my mouth when I finish will be thank you....God......thank you.....blog........thank you.......loved ones....

(Unless I don't give a.......). Ok, ok...it does lose its funniness if overused.

Nite, blog.